Dr Di

Thanksgiving traditions will look different this year but feel more important than ever. We may be separated by miles, but still need the comfort of family recipes and rituals.

If you’ve been following along, you know I’ve had full-blown angst about Thanksgiving. Even though my kids are grown and live in their own homes, I can’t shake feeling responsible for holiday celebrations.

Moms know what I’m talking about. You want to feed your grown-up kids favorite foods, smother them in hugs, and enjoy having them back in the house for a day. And, you want to make their partners’ favorite foods.

Even if one of them is vegan.

Sometimes it’s the little things. My daughter always sets the table with bunny Pilgrims I bought before she was born. Then I complain we only have 7 because cousin Jeffrey took one home.

My son always wants chocolate chip cookies, a Thanksgiving dessert in our house. We used to spend the day with friends who always asked me to make them. Not bragging, but I do make good ones.

Except I just found out my son, the engineer, thought my cookies were Nestle Tollhouse take-and-bakes.

It was one of those moments that made me wonder if he ever noticed anything I did while he was growing up. Or as an adult.

Know how many tens of dozens of cookies I made from scratch during his childhood? BECAUSE HE DOESN’T.

According to my son, I used that cookie dough once when I didn’t have time to bake when he was home from college. Told him it was my “secret recipe.”

One time.

I’m sure I thought I was being funny. He thought I gave him the secret to why my cookies are the best (according to some).

However you do Thanksgiving this year, share stories on Zoom. You’ll probably find out some weird things your kids think that will be good for a much-needed laugh.

Stay safe.

The first blog post I wrote was for day 1 of #BlogLikeCrazy. Would love to tell you I whipped it out, but it took hours.

And that doesn’t count how long it took me to set it up for the launch.

Blogging has added a lot of techy stuff to what I need to know. Not happy about it. I’m more of a turn-it-on-and-go kind of gal.

I persevered and at least got to where I could post.

Blogging every day has surprised me. My voice has been strictly academic for so many years, I wasn’t sure what would come out. My dissertation was so heavily annotated, I learned how to properly footnote a footnote of a footnote in AP style.

It brings me joy to write that sentence. It’s a terrible one, but I can get away with it because this is a blog. And I want you to understand how writing a doctoral dissertation seriously messes with your voice.

http://pes.laj.mybluehost.me/?p=170(opens in a new tab)

I used to be funny. Maybe it’s the pandemic and general state of things, but I’m not cracking myself up. Maybe it’s because I’m still figuring out exactly what my blog is.

The therapist part of me wants to write supportive, encouraging and educational posts. The me part wants to tell you stories.

Like about the time I walked around in two different shoes for 3 hours. Took me that long to notice.

It’s not like they were similar, other than both being Joan and David. Boy, I miss their shoes.

Anyway, one shoe was black, the other, white. The black one had little fake gold coins on the toe. The white one had gold nail heads. At least the gold matched.

What I really want to know is why no one told me.

To this day, it remains one of the great mysteries of my life.

Blogging every day has forced me to write more quickly. Nothing blows up or burns down if I post something lame.

Yet.

With Covid numbers off the charts, I’ve spent a fair amount of time wringing my hands about Thanksgiving.

Should we? Shouldn’t we? We’re only 6 people. But from 3 different households.

We’re not inviting friends or strays. Pandemic says “no.”

What about Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Louise and Uncle Harold? Especially since you only see them during the holidays. How do you say, “Please don’t come”?

Start With, “I Love You.”

“Grandma, there is nothing I want more than to spend Thanksgiving with you and Grandpa. This year, it’s just not safe. Dr. Fauci says we need to stay home and be extra careful because Covid is so out of control right now.”

Chances are good your relatives may be worrying about how to tell you they’re not coming. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re aware Covid is ruining yet another holiday.

Offer an Alternate Plan

“Grandma, I know you’re disappointed. I am, too. I can’t wait until there is a vaccine so we can safely gather again. Instead of coming here for dinner, I’d like to have dinner delivered to you and Grandpa and Aunt Louise and Uncle Elmo. “

“We can all have dinner together on FaceTime or Zoom. Not quite the same, but much safer. I want us all to be healthy for Thanksgiving next year.”

If your guests are up for it, play games online after dessert. Try Among Us, an app-based game. Someone gets to be the imposter in each game. Everyone can play on their phones.

Be Gracious

If you get the cancellation call, be understanding. Let your host know you appreciate them being safe and caring about your health.

We all want a normal Thanksgiving with family and friends. We want everyone to bring their special dishes and have the arguments we always have. The kids want to play with their cousins and fight over who gets to sit at the adult table this year.

I had to remind myself what I want, most of all, is for everyone to stay healthy so we can be together next year.

If there is one thing we have learned during the pandemic, it’s that self-care is necessary. Taking care of our emotional and physical needs is more important than ever.

When my kids were young, I felt guilty taking time for myself. Since I was a stay-at-home mom, I felt like everything I did should center around my daughter and son. Once they reached school age, I spent my time volunteering. I was secretary and then president of the PTA. I volunteered in the classroom and office. I made costumes for plays and organized fundraisers.

In hindsight, I was an overachieving volunteer. Taking some time for self-care would have served me better. A mani-pedi, trip to the library that didn’t involve story time or puppets, a spin class… would have recharged me. Instead, I kept depleting my energy by focusing solely on my kids and husband.  

When we make time for ourselves, we renew our spirits and our energy. We calm our minds. Often, it helps us feel human again.

Self-care can be as simple as taking an hour to read a book. Or indulge in a bubble bath. Or leave your desk for lunch. Anything you do for yourself counts.

We get cranky when we only take care of others. It can make us resentful.

Ignoring self-care can be as harmful as ignoring physical illness. We teach our children their bodies need proper nutrition, exercise, and sleep. It’s easy for us to forget we need the same.

Convince yourself self-care will make you better. A better partner, parent, co-worker. You will be mentally and physically healthier.

Start small if it feels difficult. Give yourself fifteen minutes for whatever you want. Increase the time when it feels more comfortable and as you begin to feel the benefits. If you like lists, make one of different ways you can spend time on yourself.

Enjoy.

Southern California was put back into the most restrictive Covid tier today. Not unexpected.

It doesn’t change how I’m behaving. I continue to stay home, mask up if I have to go anywhere (3 times in the last 8 months), and feel the same despair/anger/sadness we all share.

#Rona has given us a lot of emotions we’d rather not have.

Even the weather has an attitude. The Santa Ana winds kicked up last night. Our fire pit now has a heavy table and chair on top of it. Kudos to those gusts, but they may have had help. The number one suspect is a big umbrella that flew and crash landed near the scene.

I’m mad the virus is still out of control. I’m sad we have to be socially distant during the holidays.

Even though Christmas will be different, I need it to look the same. My Snoopy ornaments will be on the tree next to the antique mercury glass garland my grandma gave me. The big santa with the fuzzy beard our cat, Ted, used to snuggle will hang at the bottom like always.

The stockings I needlepointed when my kids were born will be hung on the fireplace. I’ll make Norwegian cookies and put candy canes in cocoa. And there will definitely be extra booze in the eggnog.

This will be a Christmas of acting as if. The twinkling lights, smell of gingerbread baking, and velvet ribbons on gifts under the tree will seem normal. If it looks like Christmas is supposed to look, I’m hoping it will feel that way, too. Just for a little while.

I may need to get a Rudolph mask. Wearing a bright red nose might be what I need to push me into feeling a little festive.

I spent much of today suffering for my art with computer stuff. As a writer, I want to put words into my laptop and have them come back out where I want them.

Google Analytics and an installer with a monster name had other ideas. I don’t know about you, but learning about plug-ins does not float my boat. And the monster still won’t recognize I did what it asked. It just keeps asking for more.

I grew up writing in cursive and learned to type on a manual typewriter. FFF space, JJJ space.

Carbon paper, anyone?

Life-long learning is wonderful. I was old enough for Denny’s senior French toast slam when I got my doctorate.

But I’m thinking there may need to be a statute of limitations on learning new computer installish things.

My plan for today’s #BlogLikeCrazy post was to encourage you to learn something new. We’re all stressed and need a break.

When the pandemic began, we were all saying, “bon jour” and making sourdough starter. With new Covid restrictions, it’s the perfect time to start a project or learn a new language. There are a zillion online tutorials and videos.

Here are some ideas:

Learn how to knit or do needlework.

Read a book you’ve avoided because it’s too long.

Revisit a favorite childhood activity. Get your kids involved. Build that Lego masterpiece. Create with Play Doh. Get out the Twister. I promise it will make you laugh.

Paint your walls a favorite color.

Make art… paint, sculpt, make a collage or mobile. Sing or play an instrument. Dance.

Choose a cookbook and make all the recipes in it.

Build the project you haven’t had time for.

I love to do cross stitch. Following a chart and stitching is orderly and soothing. Stabbing the canvas with the needle feels pretty good, too.

And it creates art that doesn’t require plug-ins.